I have had a pixie cut the better part of 3 years now. I purposely grew it out for my wedding despite wanting to cut it because you know, wedding visions trump real life for awhile.  Once the wedding and summer time craziness wore off I started using my longer hair as a shield. After everything that has gone on with my mom, adjusting to Kyles new work schedule, adjusting to Charlottes new schedule, (because hello extracurriculars!) and working on expanding my blog and oily biz sent me spiraling.

Anxiety is a very real and very scary thing for me. Many who know me socially tend to have a hard time understanding how I can be the “life of the party” when we’re out only for me to tell them that once the outing is over it will leave me exhausted and housebound for days. My husband and I recently had a very serious discussion about this and we’re both working on a solution presently, together. It has started to put a wedge between us because he feels like he has to tread lightly in fear of upsetting me and making it worse. Where, for me, has created a crippling dependency on him. I’m sure playing the role of “night in shining armor” can be exhausting. I’m so thankful that we finally talked about these issues but man was it hard. Lets just say I slept balled up under my weighted blanket that night because the physical side effects of anxiety are unpleasant and that blanket is the only thing that helps when it gets like that.

One of the things that was brought up was my hair. My husband pointed out that I tend to be happier with short hair as I have recently talked about cutting it again.  At first that seems like a strange topic to discuss when talking about our relationship but it’s actually true. I love everything about my hair when it’s short. I like how it compliments the shape of of my face. It opens up my already large eyes and puts my bone structure on full display. It does all the things longer hair doesn’t do for me in the looks department. So why even bother with long hair then? The answer is Anxiety. I need to leave my house to get a hair cut but the anxiety keeps me home. Anxiety keeps some of the bigger self care things away from me which breaks me down even more. Longer hair gives me something to hide behind physically and mentally. It’s also like a costume. It’s like I get to pretend to be another version of me. A younger me that didn’t have worries of the current me. However when I look back at my life I’m so glad I’m no longer the younger me, because current me has lived so much and has had so many blessings in this short life I’ve lived thus far.

As I’m sitting here writing this out I’m kind of shocked that I have so much to say about one little haircut. It’s interesting how something as simple as hair can actually go deep into someone identity and self image. I mean, it’s just hair right? Hair is such a versatile part of every human here on earth. We use it to express our selves, to distinguish things like race and religion, and care for in varying degrees. To some it’s just hair. To others it’s valuable and as much apart of them as the blood circulating through their veins. Hair is interesting, beautiful, infuriating, comforting, and the list goes on and on. So the fact that I do have so much to say about it does actually make sense. Hair is a big deal and something as normal as getting a haircut is actually much more than just a haircut. It’s a life defining moment and a signature part of who we are and I have to say, “the pixie” is very much apart of who I am and I’m totally okay with it.

In all seriousness Lacey at the Square One Salon and Spa location on Brown Street in Dayton is amazing and you should get with her for all your hair needs.